


Sixth Sense.

by ToxicPineapple



Series: Saimami/Amasai ficlets and drabbles [6]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Depression, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kaede is a good friend, Panic Attacks, Past Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Self-Harm, Sixth-Sense, Talking out of a panic attack, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 12:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19198810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: So she stands, brushes off her knees, and offers Shuichi a hand up. When he reaches up to grip her palm, she works on stilling her hand so that he can find some stability in her hold. His expression is unreadable as she tugs him to his feet, but she thinks maybe she’s successful.---Kaede wakes up unable to shake the feeling that something is wrong. (She's right.)





	Sixth Sense.

**Author's Note:**

> ahem TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!! self-harm is EXPLICITLY discussed here. nothing is too graphic, and nobody actively cuts themselves, but it's still a thing that is HERE and if you get triggered by CUTTING or SELF-HARMING in ANY CAPACITY I really highly recommend not reading this!! if you're here for any of the tags, you can get all of it from another one of the ficlets in this series, "Progress." I mean, except for the Kaede and Shuichi friendship tag (Shuichi isn't really there much at all) but I have more platonic Saimatsu planned (and also some non-platonic Saimatsu planned) and I'd much rather you take care of yourself and your boundaries than read this fic. okay??? fjkjdsfb
> 
> also I'm fine this is a vent but I was really only bad yesterday we're OKAy

Kaede arrives at breakfast that morning with the sharp taste of dread stuck to the roof of her mouth.

 

It’s important to note that there’s nothing supernatural about her, but she’s always had a sort of… sixth sense, so to speak, in regards to her friends and their emotional wellbeing. She’s compared it, in the past, to that feeling you get when you’re being watched. The hair on the back of your neck stands up and you feel a cold pair of fingers walking their way down your spine. There isn’t any concrete evidence that you  _ are  _ being watched, but you know for a fact that you are, and you just can’t shake the feeling.

 

That’s the way it is with her sixth sense. It’s not fool-proof, and often she doesn’t listen to it because she doesn’t always trust herself, but the moment she gets up that morning, she finds herself unable to shake the sick feeling from her stomach. Kaede is sure, as she drags herself out of bed and gets ready, that her mind is playing tricks on her; that she’s just being paranoid, or that there are bad feelings lingering from a nightmare she can’t remember, but the feeling only solidifies in her gut as she dresses and leaves her room.

 

She’s one of the first to arrive at breakfast, aside from Kirumi and Tenko (as expected) and this is completely normal so even though the sight of them near makes a lump rise in her throat, she swallows it down and forces herself to focus as she walks through and takes a seat next to Tenko. She flirts casually to try to get her mind off of things, but Tenko, while flustered, is way too perceptive for her to sneak around under the radar, so she has to resort for waiting until one of the boys arrives to wordlessly help Kirumi make preparations so she can avoid the third degree.

 

As much as Kaede is glad for Kirumi’s quiet respect of her boundaries, she finds her worries only growing in the silence as more and more of their classmates show up. It’s difficult to determine who she’s worried about whenever this feeling should arise, and yet, she finds herself looking at the door every time one of her classmates steps in. Whenever she lays eyes on them, though, and finds they aren’t the object of her concerns, it seems that the worry only grows. Which is frustrating, because clearly, she at least has some level of awareness as to who it is that is causing her this level of distress, but she can’t pinpoint it in a way that matters.

 

Swallowing hard for probably the fourth time that morning, Kaede notes that almost every one of her peers has arrived. Her purple eyes sweep the area and she presses her lips together as she does a quick head count. Everybody is here, it seems, except for two of her classmates. Rantaro is one of them, she notes, but that isn’t abnormal; he left yesterday for a trip to the Bermuda Triangle and she  _ is  _ worried about it but she’s not worried to the extent that she wants to throw up because she knows Rantaro can take care of himself. Traveling is his forte, after all, as the Ultimate Adventurer, so…

 

The other person who isn’t here is… Shuichi.

 

Kaede feels her throat closing with the realisation because just thinking his name makes her stomach flare. It’s definitely him, something is terribly wrong. It’s not strange for him not to show up for breakfast. It would honestly be peculiar if he was present, but right now, Kaede can’t help wanting to vomit as she double checks, and then triple checks, swallowing so hard that she momentarily loses the ability to breathe.

 

“Kaede, you alright?” Kaito’s voice, as reassuring as it always is, sounds distant and foggy through Kaede’s panic. Shuichi is her best friend, and she trusts him to take care of himself, but- but she knows how hard things can be for him sometimes, and Rantaro left yesterday, so he probably already isn’t doing very well already. Shuichi has a tendency to get into these self-destructive loops and usually he’s just depressive which means he won’t do anything but sleep on and off in his room all day but sometimes. Sometimes.

 

She hasn’t seen him at his worst, certainly not, but she’s seen him come pretty close, and her gut is telling her that this, whatever this is, far surpasses that. Still, she owes Kaito a response. “Have you seen Shuichi this morning?” She demands, and her urgency must startle him, because Kaito blinks a couple times before responding.

 

“No, but that’s pretty normal, isn’t it? Shuichi usually sleeps in until he absolutely has to get up for class.” Well, that’s not entirely true, but Kaito probably doesn’t know the intricate details of Shuichi’s morning ritual. Not that Kaede does, either, but she understands that it’s a little more complex than wanting to sleep in. Still, there are more important things to be worrying about.

 

“...it is normal, but I…” Kaede hesitates. “I can’t shake the feeling that…” she flounders for words, unsure about how she should articulate the worries clouding her mind. Her heart is thrumming out a desperate pattern, and if she was listening to it, she’d have run out of the dining hall by now, but she doesn’t want to make Kaito feel strange, so she waits, looking at his features and trying to find some of that comforting confidence that is always there.

  
Dependably, it appears without his even having to try. “I trust your gut.” He says firmly, then touches her shoulder with the delicacy of a good friend, or even a boyfriend. (Hah, as if. Their relationship was short lived and a result of poor communication on both of their ends. But later, when she’s feeling a little better about all of this, she’ll make sure to tease him about it.) “Let’s go check on him.”

 

That’s all the invitation Kaede needs to turn around and speed walk out of the dining hall. She doesn’t remember the trip, really, it all just blurs together until eventually she’s sprinting through the courtyard and her lungs are  _ aching  _ but she’s got to get to the dorms because she’s almost certain now that something is not right. And if she’s wrong about this, if Shuichi is completely alright, just sleeping in a little bit, or a little extra tired, then that’s fine. That’s ideal. She’ll face the embarrassment of being wrong. She just needs Shuichi to be okay.

 

When she comes back into reality, Kaede is in front of Shuichi’s door, hands on her knees as she catches her breath. Kaito’s heavy breathing from behind her lets her know that she’s not alone, but before she can say anything, Kaito is reaching past her and ringing Shuichi’s doorbell in his usual manner. By that, she means, he rings it once, quickly, and then if he doesn’t receive a response within the first few seconds of ringing, he rams on it mercilessly. Were circumstances different, Kaede would be laughing at the excessiveness of it all. At the moment, though, she’s just happy for the familiarity of Kaito’s annoying habits, because they will hopefully motivate Shuichi to open that door.

 

A long silence, however, is what they’re greeted with. Kaede looks over at Kaito, and finds herself unable to disguise the fear in her eyes. He grunts upon seeing it and slams on the doorbell a couple more times, only to receive no response once again.

 

“Maybe he’s sleeping.” Kaito offers, but when Kaede considers it, she only feels an even greater twinge of panic in her gut, so her response is a quick shake of her head. No, no way. Something else is going on, something is wrong. He bites his lip. “Yeah, you’re probably right, I’m just… not sure… how to get in?” Ordinarily they’d be able to break the door down, but the doors to the dorms here are not particularly easy to get into through that way. Of course, Kaede thinks it’s possible, and definitely getting to the point of necessary, as well, but before she can open her mouth, someone else does.

 

“Move.” Kaede jumps, turning around, and meets Kokichi’s eyes as he pushes Kaito out of the way, quickly pulling a couple needles from his pocket as he sets about picking the lock. “You two are so annoyingly useless sometimes, I swear…”

 

“You followed us?” Kaito blinks, but Kaede is unable to speak over the crushing relief that she felt seeing Kokichi, despite his scathing words. As much as he’s a pest (and an immature one at that) he always seems to show up whenever he’s needed, and Kaede couldn’t be more grateful for his impeccable timing. She might cry if she opens her mouth, though, so she refrains.

 

“Duh, when I saw you two sprint out of the dining hall after talking about the only non-boring person in our class, I was automatically interested.” Kokichi rolls his eyes, but Kaede can tell, from how his hands shake slightly, that he is worried too. “Oookay, done.” He adds just as the door clicks. He swiftly takes a step back and Kaede doesn’t waste any time- she’ll thank him later- in grabbing the door knob to push it open.

 

Upon stepping into the room, Kaede is greeted with the sharp scent of blood, and she gags, eyes tearing up as she assumes the worst. But her gaze flitters around until it finally lands on a spot in the corner of the room, where Shuichi is seated, huddled in a ball on the floor. He is wearing his uniform still, though it seems to be ruffled as though he slept in it. And while he looks unscathed, the smell is too poignant for Kaede to ignore. There’s a bloody razor on the floor a couple feet away from him that only fuels her worries.

 

She swallows down the fear that she’ll come on a little strong and walks over to where Shuichi is seating, dropping down to her knees in front of him. He’s conscious, but he’s hugging his legs to his chest and staring blankly at the floor. His sleeves are rolled up, and Kaede has a guess as to why, but she ignores it for now, instead opting to search his dull grey eyes for some form of life, or acknowledgement of her presence.

 

What she gets instead is the beginnings of shame, in the corners, a feeling like a punch in her gut.

 

“Shuichi,” she feels odd speaking softly, like she’s treating him like a kid, but she can’t bring herself to raise her voice. Footsteps behind her tell her Kaito has walked in, and she assumes Kokichi has done the same, but his step is so light that even with her sharp hearing, she barely hears a thing from him. “Can you hear me?”

 

Silence, but a small, small nod yes. His eyes flicker up so quickly Kaede barely catches it; but she does. He knows she’s there. She should tread lightly, still, and figure out how present he is so she can bring him back down to reality. It’s alright, she’s done this plenty of times before, and before that, it had been done to her more than she can count.

 

“Okay. Okay, uhm, Shuichi, can you see me?” Another nod. “What about talking? Do you think you can talk?” Hesitation, then he shakes his head. “That’s okay, you don’t- you don’t have to talk. How well are you breathing? Do you feel like you can breathe?” He nods, but uncertainty lines his features, and Kaede has to ask him the question again. “Are you sure? Can you really breathe, Shuichi?” The repetition of his name feels patronising and gross but she does it to ground him, remind him of where he is and who he is. As much as he maybe doesn’t want to be that person right now. He eventually shakes his head, fluttering his eyes closed.

  
That makes Kaede want to panic, but she forces herself to remain calm. “Alright. Th-That’s fine. Just… let’s breathe a little bit together, okay? Can I touch you, Shuichi? Just your hand, I’d just be touching your hand and putting it on my chest so you can feel me breathing with you. Is that okay?” After a small pause, Shuichi nods, and Kaede gently takes one of his hands, guiding it up to her sternum, where she rests his thin fingers so that he can feel the rise and fall of each of her breaths. “We’re going to take five deep breaths, okay? I’ll count, but you breathe with me. You ready?” Another nod, and Shuichi opens his eyes. “Right. Steady, now, and- one.”

 

They breathe together, and Kaede watches with keen eyes for his breaths as he feels and listens for hers. With each exhalation, he relaxes a bit more, until his legs are slumped to the side and his other arm has ceased to hold them in place. This means that she can see the deep and plentiful gashes on his pale skin, dripping from his forearm and staining the carpet, but Kaede forces herself to ignore it for now and focuses more on the breathing. This is no good for Shuichi if she starts hyperventilating.

 

“We’re done, okay. How are you, now? Can you breathe?” Shuichi nods without pausing this time, and lifts his gaze to meet her eyes. His lips remain shut. “Do you know where we are, Shuichi?” He takes a moment to think, perhaps, lower lip tugging between his teeth, and eventually nods; a low hum resonates in the back of his throat and Kaede feels a lump rising in hers. “Th-That’s good, okay, do you- do you think you can talk a little bit? Just a little, I’ll be talking mostly, but-”

 

“Y-Yes,” Shuichi breathes, and Kaede would almost miss it if not for the way his lips tremble as they shape the word. She bites the inside of her cheek and nods, almost to herself.

 

“Right. Then… describe… can you describe to me five things you see, right now? It can be anything, as detailed or general as you want, just five things you see.”

 

“...I see you.” He whispers, maintaining eye contact. “A-And… I see my bed, and Kaito… Kokichi… the lamp, which I knocked over…” Kaede makes herself keep looking at Shuichi, forces down the part of her that wants to turn and look at the lamp. “Th-That’s five, right?”

 

“Yeah, that’s five. Good job.” Kaede praises weakly. “Okay. Four things you feel. Describe to me four things that you feel, physically.”

 

“The carpet, it’s kind of… wet…” Shuichi murmurs, but continues. “Uhm… I feel the closet against my back, a-and I feel my wrists, which hurt… and I feel your heartbeat, under my fingers.” Kaede hadn’t realised she was still holding his hand there, but now she has to make the conscious effort not to let go, because it seems to be helping him focus, and that’s all she can hope to provide right now.

 

“Good. Okay.” She’s starting to wonder if all those meaningless affirmations are coming across as excessive to him. If they are, though, it doesn’t show on Shuichi’s face. He’s focusing on her. She can’t remember what comes next- should she ask about hearing, or smell? “N-Now, three things you hear,” she instructs, hoping that she’s right, and hoping that the order doesn’t matter.

 

“Ah… uhm, your voice, I hear your voice…” he falls silent briefly. “Kaito, I hear him shifting his weight behind you,” Kaede feels him stilling behind her and has to suppress the urge to look at him, focusing on the boy in front of her. “And… the heater, I can hear it on.” Indeed, beneath their voices, Kaede can make out the quiet buzz of the heater in the other corner of the room. Shuichi has a sharp ear.

 

She is nodding too much, making a lot out of a little. But she knows that it can be good, for her to be a little emotional too. “Tell me… two things you smell.” Shuichi seems to tense at that, and Kaede knows why, but she doesn’t respond, instead chooses to keep looking at him with that slightly desperate feeling that has settled in her chest shining the most strongly in her eyes.

 

“I smell… blood. Mine.” He mumbles, then adds quickly, “And I smell your shampoo… honeysuckle, I think.” Kaede feels her face warming a little bit, because she hadn’t realised her shampoo smelled so strongly. Shuichi doesn’t seem bothered by it, though, so she hopes that it’s not really a big deal.

 

“Yeah, it’s honeysuckle,” she affirms, unable to hide her slight embarrassment, but then Shuichi smiles a little bit, and it all feels worthwhile. “Okay. Last one, alright? One thing you taste.”

 

His lower lip is pulled in between his teeth again as he looks off to the side, apparently considering it. “...nothing good.” He finally decides, and Kaede raises her eyebrows, waiting for him to be more specific. “Morning taste, I suppose.”

 

She’ll take it. “Alright,” and then she releases his hand, watches him slowly pull it back into his chest. “How are you feeling, now?”

 

“Better.” Shuichi says quietly, reaching back to rub his neck but wincing when his hair brushes his wrist. “A-Ah, that was… a bad idea,” he murmurs the second part, lowering his hand, and Kaede watches as shame starts to appear in his eyes. That’s the last thing she wants, but she lets him speak when he opens his mouth. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even…” he gestures listlessly at the razor on the floor some ways away from them. Kaede finally allows herself to look back at it just as Kaito bends down, scooping it up.

 

“Don’t apologise, and don’t feel ashamed.” Kaede is thankful that she’s been able to regain some semblance of calm now, and is able to speak without stuttering, or her voice shaking. “It happens. Want to tell me what happened?” She asks gently, so that Shuichi knows he doesn’t have to. He takes a moment to consider her words, then nods, closing his eyes as he sighs.

 

“I guess, I just… I woke up at around two in the morning, couldn’t go back to sleep, couldn’t take my mind off the fact that I really wanted to feel… that.” He almost growls the end of that sentence, looking down at his wrists with an uncharacteristically spiteful look in his eyes. “It’s been so long since I’ve done it. Self-harm, that is. Usually I just…”

 

Kaede remembers. He’s missed class more than once because of some of these episodes. But as she said… it happens. “You relapsed.” She states, and is grateful for how firm she sounds. “It’s not  _ okay,  _ it sucks, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for it because it isn’t your fault.” It’s not as though it’s anybody else’s fault, either, but the last thing she wants is Shuichi blaming himself for what happened. She has no idea what he’s experiencing, at least as far as the self-harm is concerned, but she knows that sometimes it’s just impossible to control.

 

“...thank you.” He answers tentatively, another one of those small smiles touching the corners of his lips. “For coming in here. Uhm, Kaito, and Kokichi, too-” he adds, looking past Kaede at the other two, and she hears a familiar giggle from Kokichi as Kaito speaks.

 

“It’s what we’re here for, bro! Next time you feel like this, you should come to my room and ring the bell until I wake up and answer. We’re here for you, y’know?” Kaito  _ has  _ to know it isn’t that simple, but based on the look in Shuichi’s eyes, Kaede doesn’t think he minds that much. She doesn’t expect much sincerity from Kokichi (though she’s never sure what to expect from Kokichi in general) so it takes her a bit off guard when she speaks.

 

“You’re cared for, y’know?” He speaks the words like they feel unnatural in his mouth. Perhaps they do, but Kaede feels a surge of warmth looking at him. “You don’t just have to rely on Rantaro all the time. Even if he does have great big brother energy.”

 

“A-Ah, that’s not-”

 

“I knoww, you’re like, in love, or something,” Kokichi rolls his eyes. “Ew. Thinking about Rantaro liking people is gross.”

 

“You shouldn’t be so flippant about it!” Kaede exclaims, watching Shuichi’s face flush though she’s focusing on Kokichi. “You-” but he gives her an odd, lopsided version of his usual smile, and she figures that he’s still trying to process what happened, so she decides to cut him some slack. “Hey, Shuichi, can I help you clean those up?” She changes the subject, gesturing at the new cuts on his wrists. She’s never been very good with injuries like that, but she still wants to be of service to him.

 

Still, she’s not entirely surprised when Shuichi shakes his head no. “I’d actually like to do it myself, if that’s alright. B-But, it’s understandable if you don’t feel like I can be alone right now.” He adds faintly, averting his gaze. To be honest, Kaede is glad he doesn’t want her to handle the cuts directly, but she doesn’t know how comfortable she’d feel just watching him tend to his wounds.

 

Thankfully, Kaito again comes to her rescue. “Go back to breakfast, Kaede. You too, Kokichi. I’ll watch over my sidekick while he takes care of this.” He says it with confidence, as always, but Kaede can detect the concern that is present in his eyes. Perhaps Kokichi picks up on it, because he just walks to the door without another word. He lingers there, though, perhaps waiting for Kaede.

 

So she stands, brushes off her knees, and offers Shuichi a hand up. When he reaches up to grip her palm, she works on stilling her hand so that he can find some stability in her hold. His expression is unreadable as she tugs him to his feet, but she thinks maybe she’s successful.

 

“I’ll see you two later.” Kaede tells them, but she makes sure not to specify when, because Shuichi might not feel up to class today, and she knows that Kaito isn’t opposed to skipping once in a while. It’s not like they get penalised here. Kaito waves her off, so she lets go of Shuichi’s hand to walk to the door, but he puts a hand on her arm before she gets there, stopping her.

 

“Thank you.” He stares directly into her eyes when he says it but almost immediately looks away. “I… probably would’ve come out of it, but I…” he bites his lip. “I don’t know.”

 

“Don’t stress out about it.” Kaede smiles gently, putting one of her hands on top of his. “It’s what I do best, y’know? Besides, you’re one of my best friends.” She watches Shuichi’s face for any sign of discomfort at her bold words, but he just relaxes into a small smile, nodding. Kaede figures that that’s enough, and steps away once more to join Kokichi out of the room.

 

Only once the door is closed behind them and they’ve started off back to the dining hall does Kokichi speak. “Where’d you learn to do that?” He glances at her, and Kaede finds that it’s impossible to read his expression.

 

“What?” She frowns slightly, tilting her head. “Talk somebody through a panic attack?”

 

“No, I meant closing the door.” Kokichi says flatly.

 

Kaede laughs nervously but decides to assume that he meant the panic attack thing. “I used to have them. Panic attacks, I mean. My sister would talk me through them.” Those were the rare moments, growing up, when her twin sister proved to her that she had some humanity. Kaede is grateful for them, now, because they don’t talk much anymore and she needs the reminder at times.

 

“You remember the techniques from when you were panicking?” Kokichi raises his eyebrows, and if Kaede didn’t know any better, she’d almost say he’s aghast.

 

“Oh, sure. I mean, I also look things up on my own time.” She’s talked about it with some of her old therapists, too, but that doesn’t feel like the kind of thing she wants to admit to Kokichi.

 

“...hm.” Kokichi hums, but doesn’t say anything else, and Kaede stays silent, thinking that’s the end of the conversation. But just before they reach the dining hall, he speaks again. “Thanks, I guess, for doing that. I don’t really know what to do when people panic in front of me.” He says it offhandedly, as though it’s not a big deal, but Kaede can sense, with the same sixth sense that let her know Shuichi was in distress, that it is.

 

She finds herself looking over at him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “I’m happy to do it, Kokichi. And I’m glad that you’re willing to be a little vulnerable in front of-”

 

“Nishishi, it’s a lie!” Kokichi interrupts, jerking away from her touch with a large grin on his face. “Do you really think the Supreme Leader of Evil needs to talk people out of panic attacks? I usually just laugh in the face of emotional distress! The only reason I didn’t just now was ‘cause Kaito would’ve punted me, and I  _ really  _ don’t feel like dying today. My agenda is full. Maybe next week.”

 

Pursing her lips, Kaede watches as Kokichi runs the rest of the way to the dining hall. She knows that was a lie, just now, but it’s alright. He’s just doing it so that he doesn’t have to admit that he was scared when Shuichi was panicking. She knows that, but she was scared too. There’s nothing wrong with it.

 

Maybe she’ll tell him that later.

 

Feeling far more at ease than before, Kaede takes a deep breath and reenters the dining hall, hoping that there’s still a little time for her to eat Kirumi’s food before classes start today.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah this takes place in my Saimami AU and I'll put it in the actual series where it belongs chronologically sdjbfajkdsb I can't leave this AU alone but I'm also procrastinating on writing the next part because I seriously need to update my 52nd killing game fic and also work on The Best Lies hhhhh why do I always do this
> 
> in other news, hi! I've had a pretty shit week thus far but we're hanging in there :^))) that's why this ficlet happened but I'm honestly okay, don't worry. jbsdhbfhd maybe. still!!! Kaede is such an honest to goodness waifu and she's not my v3 waifu (that's Maki) but I do want to write more featuring her because I love her. I've got a long-term fic planned where it alternates between Maki and Kaede's perspectives (exciting right) and I'm hyped. still, though, y'all will have to wait for that one.
> 
> love you guys, hope you enjoyed and y'all already know that I love comments
> 
> thanks for reading, have a lovely day.


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